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The 2011-12 Edmonton Oilers Drinking Game

By Jeffrey Chapman

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I love this team.  I really, really love this team.  However, last night’s 5-0 clunking at the hands of the Anaheim Ducks was one of those nights were the synapses in your brain just start firing in all sorts of directions.

With that in mind I created for you, gentle reader, the 2011-12 Edmonton Oilers themed Drinking Game. Oh, there’ll be action, suspense, and it’ll repress games like last night’s into a black box stored deep into your cerebral cortex.

Ready?
I like things easy.  Here’s how this works:  when something on the list happens, do what the top line in that list tells you to do.

In other words, follow directions, and you’ll be blacking out in no time.  Roll out the keg, grab a beer, and get crackin’.

DRINK ONCE WHEN…

  • The opposing team scores
  • Anytime Ales Hemsky is mentioned in reference to a trade
  • Gene Principe makes a joke
  • “The Nuge”
  • During the post game presser, Renney shrugs his shoulders or says “I don’t know”
  • “youth” or “youth movement”
  • you see The Octane girls.  Easy on the eyes, but you’re already here, so take a drink.
  • A turnover in the Oiler zone
  • When added up, the average number of games played among Oiler defencemen is equal to or less than two full seasons (164)

DRINK TWICE WHEN…

  • you hear any of the following words: ‘time’ (as in:  it’s going to take time for this team to become good, or some variant) ‘future’ , ‘rebuild’, or ‘grit’.   Yes, you’re going to be hammered.  Likely by the time the pregame has finished.
  • The opposing team takes a two goal lead
  • The Oilers get outshot
  • A former Oiler is mentioned
  • the crowd at RX1 does the wave
  • Steve Tambellini makes it on screen
  • The camera pans to an injured Oiler in the press box
  • Gene Principe uses a prop (or sings) during pregame

DRINK THREE TIMES

  • when the crowd at RX1 does the wave when the Oilers are losing
  •  “the new arena”
  • “Hot Start”
  • One of the tough guys loses a fight.  Badly.
  • Any ‘Taylor vs. Tyler’ comparison.
  • When someone on the team plays for less than 5 minutes a night.  You want an energy line?  How much energy are you going to inject into the team when you’re out there for 2:56 a game?
  • when the opposing team takes a 3 goal lead
  • “the draft”
  • when injuries are blamed for anything Oiler related
  • when Edmonton’s SV% ends at  .900% or less for that particular game

FINISH YOUR DRINK

  • Zero goals scored for Edmonton?  Tip it up
  • Opponents go 4 or more goals up
  • “2006”
  • “wherewithal” (Renney says this more than you probably realize)
  • If you hear ‘Stanley Cup’ or ‘Cup’ in reference to the Oilers dynasty (former players excluded…example, if Ray Ferraro says ‘Gretzky and Messier, those guys…’ that’s a four drinker.  If he says ‘Gretzky and Messier during the Cup years’, finish your cooler).
  • “toughness“.  Toughness doesn’t help win games unless it’s coupled with talent.
  • “Evaluating” (or ‘evaluation’)
  • “Playoffs” in reference to this year’s Oilers.  “The Oilers are __ points out of eighth spot”
  • when *that* Cialis commercial comes on.  You know the one.  The one where the lady takes her son a pair of headphones in his room, she leaves, and then the Cialis logo flashes on the screen?  Super creepy. There should be some sort of additional punitive penalty when this monster hits the airwaves.  Finish your drink.

Got anymore?  Head to the comments and rock me like a hurricane.

GOILERS

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DISCLAIMER: This post is for entertainment purposes only.  Myself, the web staff, nor anyone affiliated with OilOnWhyte.com or parent company Fansided.com LLC  will be held responsible for your action or inaction should you think it’s a good idea to consume buckets of rye whisky or drink until you can’t feel your face.  If you are under the legal drinking age in your respective province, state or country, please go to the previous post about polishing turds.  Don’t drink and drive, arrive alive,  be kind and rewind, and use your head.  That’s my father talking through me.  His name is Harley, and we listen to Harley. GOILERS.

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