At least we’ve got the World Juniors in a couple of days.
Deck the halls and all of that. The NHL’s current lockout is approaching day 100, leaving fans in a predictably sour mood. But turn the other cheek, it’s the holiday season. Time for toys, and time for cheer.
We here at Oil On Whyte industries have carefully selected gift ideas for various members of the NHL/NHLPA. I hope everyone gets what they wanted.
NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman – There’s about a million things you could get this guy. Gifts should be thoughtful and practical, so Gary receives this triple portable mirror. Take it wherever you go, Gary. Hopefully it’ll help aid you from making comical faces during speeches.
NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly – The lockout’s been hard on everyone, Bill. Some of those who depend on the season for employment have had to find other work while this mess gets sorted out. Gifts should be thoughtful and practical, so Bill receives this wrestling singlet worn by King Kong Bundy. We all got to do what we can to make ends meet, Bill.
NHLPA Executive Director Donald Fehr – It hasn’t been an especially good week for Donald Fehr. The NHLPA voted by an overwhelming margin to authorize a de-certifcation (although it hasn’t yet happened), and like Bettman, Fehr’s image won’t improve as long as the lockout drags on. Fehr really looks like he could use a pick-me-up. Gifts should be thoughtful and practical, so Donald Fehr receives a one hour consultation with motivational speaker Matt Foley. He’ll be back on track in no time.
Who else do we have gifts for?
Shawn Horcoff – Thirty five points in an abbreviated NHL campaign. Going all in and predicting that half a season will be salvaged. Getting 35 points as the Oilers’ 3C might be a lofty number, but it would help quiet some of his detractors.
Linus Omark – A plane ticket. Guy will have an NHL job when the lockout ends. Omark has 45 points (13-32-45) in 31 games with Zug, which isn’t exactly chicken scratch. He’s worthy of more than what he’ll be traded for. If he turns into a 50 point player with Henrik Zetterberg, we’ll get to hear about how he was bad in the locker room, or didn’t “buy into the message” (or some other rhetoric), or that he isn’t an NHL player, or that he doesn’t like soup, or something.
Sheldon Souray – Sheldon Souray has a three year contract. I can’t think of anything else that guy needs right now, maybe some snow tires? Probably not, he’s in Anaheim. Good on him.
Nikolai Khabibulin – A streak like he had in October of 2011. By far, his finest hour while a member of the Oilers.
Everyone else – NHL hockey. That’s all anyone wants. Yes, we want everything else that goes with it. HNIC on Saturdays. The playoffs. Story lines, streaks, goals. Sights, smells, excitement. Maybe a couple of beverage coupons to go along with it, if you catch my drift.
Did we miss anyone? Probably. Add your gift idea in the comments. Have a great holiday.
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